Good Eggs

Last updated: January 21, 2024

I love good eggs. Seriously, my love for eggs is fast becoming a signature trait. Have you ever delved into the myriad health benefits of eggs? These oval wonders aren’t just delicious, but they’re brimming with high-quality protein, vitamins, and minerals. Recent studies suggest that eggs might actually improve heart health. And let's not overlook their role as a delicious, bountiful source of Choline, a nutrient that turbocharges the brain.

My obsession for eggs is no casual affair. I consume roughly 20 eggs a week — that's just shy of two dozen, tallying up to about 80 a month, or just over a grand total of 1,000 eggs per year! So, yes, I take my eggs very seriously. This egg-centric lifestyle has propelled me on a quest, a quest in pursuit of the perfect egg. And what, you might ask, qualifies the perfect egg? Allow me to introduce "The Egg Quotient," a slightly satirical formula for gauging eggcellence.

Let’s dive in.

Formula:

Variables Explained:

1. Yolk Radiance Factor (YRF): Measures the color intensity of the egg yolk on a scale from 1 (pale yellow) to 10 (vibrant orange). The more vibrant, the better. Typically, more vibrant egg yolks indicate a higher concentration of Omega-3s and other important nutrients.

2. Shell Sturdiness Score (SSS): Ranks the robustness of the eggshell on a scale from 1 (fragile as a soap bubble) to 10 (hard as a rock). Healthier chickens lay sturdier shells.

3. Egg Expenditure Index (EEI): Reflects the cost of the egg. It starts at 1 (wallet-friendly) and goes up to 10 (might require a small loan). The cheaper the egg, the better for the index.

With this rigorous scientific framework in mind, I embarked on an eggspedition to crack the code of the ultimate egg.

Trader Joe’s Organic Cage Free

Despite the touted organic certification, these eggs came up short. Mildly yellow/orange yolk color and average shell sturdiness. Decent price at $3.50 per dozen!

Trader Joe’s Pasture Raised

A step up from the TJ’s Cage Free eggs! Decent shell sturdiness, however not the deep orange color I’m after. These are my default when I can’t get eggceptional eggs.

Trader Joe’s Organic Pasture Raised

I don’t understand how they manage to charge $5.00 for these. Mediocre color and WORSE sturdiness than their non-organic counterpart. An egg hoax!

Naturally Omega Cage Free

Certifiable hot garbage. If these eggs truly contain more Omega-3s, it is nowhere evident in the abysmal shell sturdiness and dull yellow color. A true disappointment - skip at all costs.

Happy Egg Co. — Free Range

I am torn by these Happy Egg Co. eggs. Sublime shell sturdiness indicates a healthy mama hen, however, I was disappointed to find a run-of-the-mill yellow/orange color. Close, but no cigar.

Happy Egg Co. — Heritage Free Range

A beautiful tragedy. These eggs are truly eggstraordinary — from the beautiful blue and brown speckled shells to the gorgeous deep orange yolks. I would eat these eggs any day. The one problem — they cost $10.00 per dozen. A special occasion egg.

Vital Farms — Pasture Raised

Eggregious price ($9.48!) for subpar eggs. Strip away the fancy packaging and you will find a dozen sad excuses for eggs. A surefire disappointment.

Whole Foods — Pasture Raised

Indeed, the egg odyssey has reached its zenith. At the modest sum of $4.99, what a joyous triumph it is to lay one's hands on these paragons of poultry perfection. Each carton, a treasure trove, revealing orbs that are the epitome of ovular opulence. As the shells crack, they give way to yolks of such resplendent golden hue, akin to the first rays of dawn breaking over an idillic farmstead. To savor these eggs is not simply to dine; it is to revel in a feast that transcends the ordinary, each mouthful a melody of flavors that sings to the soul. Indeed, for a price that doesn't demand one to break the proverbial bank, the sheer pleasure these exemplary eggs provide is an unequivocal triumph of taste.

The Final Tally